With 10 days to go until Oli is due, and a million and one things left to do, it's hard to imagine ever being in a position where I'm ready to have this baby. Admittedly I'm over the whole pregnancy thing; injecting insulin, testing my blood glucose levels 4 times a day, having this whopping huge tummy that gets in the way of everything, monitoring everything I eat, braxton hicks, etc. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being pregnant and am looking forward to meeting our new little one. But this is a scary prospect, I have no say over when this bub decides to make it's entrance. Nor can I control every circumstance on the planet to make sure that everything goes according to my plan.
Once again it all comes down to trust. I can't trust myself in this situation, simply because I have no control. But I can trust God. I can trust that He has the whole thing worked out, that I will go into labour at a decent hour, that the people I need to look after my other 2 kids will be available and eager to help, that the things that still need to be done will be taken care of by someone else.
It's an issue of control. I watched Firefly with my husband last night and the Shepherd said to River "You can't fix faith, it fixes you". I guess in this case I need fixing, fixing from my need to control everything. I had a clinic appointment the other day and had someone tell me that I'd give birth after Thursday (when we have the bunk bed delivered). At the moment, as much as it scares me, I'd like to go into labour before then, simply so it is out of my control. I don't want to be God, nor do I want control of my little world, it's all too much.
So, I therefore surrender to the insanity and chaos that is life and choose to let the One who is in control set the path before me. (I just hope that I can stick to it)
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Friday, February 22, 2008
It's just one big journey home
I've been a bit stressed lately about the prospect of having 3 children, not too mention bringing home Bub #3 to such a tiny house. To be honest it makes me really sad, I keep wondering if my husband and I have made wrong or rash decisions. But when it all boils down, we are where we are regardless of the good or bad decisions we've made and it's up to us to make the most of our situation.
I've come to the conclusion that life is one huge exercise in trust and faith. We have a Bible verse calendar hanging on our kitchen wall and the first passage for this year was Jeremiah 29:11-14. Regardless of who the prophecy is for (whether I'm trying to cash in on Israel's promises or not), it's true. God does know the plans that He has for us and ultimately they're to bring us hope and a future. It may not be in monetary or earthly possessions, our hope and future really lies in Jesus Christ, but God does clothe the lillies of the valley and feeds the birds of the air. It doesn't matter what interest rates do, whether they rise or fall, God is in charge and will not let me slip. It's a case of trusting in Him. That's not necessarily an easy thing to do. But what other options are there? Trust myself or the capabilities of my husband to provide enough for us? Where's the joy and freedom in that?
God may or may not exist, I believe that He does. As pointless as it may seem to believe in something that may not be real I'd rather put my trust outside of myself then lean on my own capabilities. Ultimately I will fail, I'll let myself and my family down. Why, because I'm human and far from perfect. God will not fail and will not fail me or my family because He does have plans for us, plans to give us a hope and future.
I've come to the conclusion that life is one huge exercise in trust and faith. We have a Bible verse calendar hanging on our kitchen wall and the first passage for this year was Jeremiah 29:11-14. Regardless of who the prophecy is for (whether I'm trying to cash in on Israel's promises or not), it's true. God does know the plans that He has for us and ultimately they're to bring us hope and a future. It may not be in monetary or earthly possessions, our hope and future really lies in Jesus Christ, but God does clothe the lillies of the valley and feeds the birds of the air. It doesn't matter what interest rates do, whether they rise or fall, God is in charge and will not let me slip. It's a case of trusting in Him. That's not necessarily an easy thing to do. But what other options are there? Trust myself or the capabilities of my husband to provide enough for us? Where's the joy and freedom in that?
God may or may not exist, I believe that He does. As pointless as it may seem to believe in something that may not be real I'd rather put my trust outside of myself then lean on my own capabilities. Ultimately I will fail, I'll let myself and my family down. Why, because I'm human and far from perfect. God will not fail and will not fail me or my family because He does have plans for us, plans to give us a hope and future.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
I'm NOT public property!
Ok
So just because I have a swollen belly does not mean that I am public property or open to public scrutiny. I was out shopping the other day and was accused (jokingly????) by a stranger of taking up all the room in the aisle. My very dry reply was "Yeah, yeah, wide load coming through."
As a pregnant woman I know that I'm large, larger than usual anyway. But that does not give everyone the right to point it out. How would you like it if I pointed out your middle aged spread, your receeding hairline, your saggy bum, or your crooked nose? It's not nice, so why do it to me?
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all! Remember, I don't know you from a bar of soap, I don't know if you're being funny or just plain rude. Most importantly, please remember that pregnant women have feelings too - if you're not careful we may just hit you over the head with our handbags.
So just because I have a swollen belly does not mean that I am public property or open to public scrutiny. I was out shopping the other day and was accused (jokingly????) by a stranger of taking up all the room in the aisle. My very dry reply was "Yeah, yeah, wide load coming through."
As a pregnant woman I know that I'm large, larger than usual anyway. But that does not give everyone the right to point it out. How would you like it if I pointed out your middle aged spread, your receeding hairline, your saggy bum, or your crooked nose? It's not nice, so why do it to me?
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all! Remember, I don't know you from a bar of soap, I don't know if you're being funny or just plain rude. Most importantly, please remember that pregnant women have feelings too - if you're not careful we may just hit you over the head with our handbags.
12 days and counting!
Right, so I have 12 days left until Oli is due. Not sure if I can keep it together for much longer though.
I'm not sure if I'm ready to enter into the world of parenting 3 children. So far the majority of people have told me that it's really easy. That was up until Monday when 1 lady said to me that it was really hard. I think she's the first person that has ever been truly honest with me about it. I even thanked her. I know that the only way I can do this is in God's strength, but it's hard to believe it or even see it from this end of the tunnel.
Well, in 12 days or so we'll see whether we sink or swim.
I'm not sure if I'm ready to enter into the world of parenting 3 children. So far the majority of people have told me that it's really easy. That was up until Monday when 1 lady said to me that it was really hard. I think she's the first person that has ever been truly honest with me about it. I even thanked her. I know that the only way I can do this is in God's strength, but it's hard to believe it or even see it from this end of the tunnel.
Well, in 12 days or so we'll see whether we sink or swim.
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